August 19, 2011

This post is going to be quite a bummer, prepare yourselves.

Im struggling- bad. You can only plateau for so long before becoming terribly discouraged. Its been 3 months and it seems that no matter WHAT I do, my weight just wont change. The good thing about that is if I have a few bad days, I dont gain a lot (if at all!). The bad thing is that I can bust my ass dieting and running for weeks (months actually) and get NO results. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nyet. NOTHING. Same damn number taunting me on the scale Every. Damn. Day. Seriously, what the F#@k? I still have 35ish pounds to lose and they act like they're taking up permanent residence.

Ive tried:
1. eating more
2. eating less
3. modifying my running schedule
4. counting calories rather than WW points
5. giving up artificial sweeteners

Im about to start eating cinnamon by the spoonful and going nuts with the cayenne in our food.

I now have an appointment with a nutritionist as my next step. I know I eat more processed foods than I should, but I dont eat them in excess (most of the time anyway). I need to get back to the basics I guess. Salad and some sort of protein.

Mostly, Im frustrated. Im busting my ass and not getting results. THEN, when I get discouraged and eat like a freaking maniac I spend the rest of the day wallowing in remorse. Yeah, like right now.

So- Im going to post what I actually ate today as punishment for being such a freaking glutton.

2 scrambled eggs.
6ish garlic knots
4 slices of a NY style 12" pepperoni pizza
an entire order of crazy bread
2 slices of LC pepperoni pizza
a hershey bar with almonds
a coke
a Big Red soda

Everything else was zero calorie beverages. How freaking embarrassing. Im guessing that is approximately 66 points??? Umm, yeah... My daily allowed points right now is 29.

Im going to go change my son's stinky butt and wallow in my misery for a while. Maybe I'll manage to cry or something.

Its also day 49 and I havent run yet. For the first time in these 49 days, Ive actually contemplated just not doing it. THAT is sad. Of course, you know I will... one way or another.

Today's overall feeling? I. Suck. All I want is to have control of my food rather than my food having control of me!

Thank goodness tomorrow's a new day.