August 1, 2011

Taking the week off of dieting? Giant F.A.I.L. The scale this morning read...

168 lbs

Genius idea, V. Have a major love affair with food and think that it will actually HELP your diet. I swear I'm smart. I even have a college degree! Sometimes stupid things DO happen to smart people.

So, I'm back at it today. Well, I lied- I'm back at it TOMORROW. For some reason I had a really hard time stepping away from the food today. I'm feeling quite discouraged and its making it hard to stay on the wagon. I have walked or run every day so I haven't lost sight of my 100 day challenge. (I had to walk 2 days due to a pulled muscle in my calf that was injured while playing Wizards, Giants and Elves in one of my grad classes. Yeah... don't ask).

I did do my PR 7.25 miles on Saturday and I'm feeling good about Rock'N Roll coming up in only 48 days! At one point in time, I obsessed about whether or not I would be able to go the distance. Now all I obsess about is my weight/food. I haven't seen the damn scale go down in about 3 months now and its just leaving me feeling completely defeated. I start feeling pretty good about myself then I see a picture and it just makes me feel worse. Why the hell wont this freaking weight come off?!?!?!?! I made an appointment with my physician for Wednesday to talk about the hair loss and other myriad of things that are bothering me and I'm hoping he can refer me to a dietitian/nutritionist. I CANNOT fail at this weight loss journey! I'm doing this for my boys more than for myself. I just don't know what to do anymore. Am I really going to be resigned to eating salads for the rest of my life? Don't get me wrong, I love me some rabbit food every now and again, but I don't think I can handle it all the time. I guess that if that is what I have to do, then that is what I will do.

As I'm sure you can tell, I'm feeling quite defeated today. Weight loss is the only thing at which I have been unable to be successful. Of all of the things I have undertaken in my life, THIS one thing... this one MOST IMPORTANT thing is the one that I find myself repeatedly failing to do. Why do I obsess over food? Why is it one of the top things I think about daily? Honestly- the number one thing I think about is my kids. Number 2 is probably food.

That's just not normal.