Current weight: 150.6
I have eaten more food this weekend than I care to admit. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. Probably most of all, I am disappointed. I fell off the wagon and it was like I had absolutely no control over what I was doing. At that point, the eating was a compulsion, a psychological NEED that I had no control over rather than your typical, run of the mill cheat day [weekend] on a diet. Ive been hiding food, eating it quickly so no one sees me and even eating it late at night after everyone is in bed. I'm just like every other kind of addict out there, but my drug of choice is food.
Ive got a picture posted on Facebook that says, "Do not blame genetics. Do not blame a busy schedule. Do not blame the weather. Do not blame school/work. If you want it bad enough, you will do whatever it takes to reach your goal." I agree with that 100%, so I don't want you to thing that I am placing blame for my eating or trying to find excuses. I just need to try to explain the plight of the compulsive over eater.
Compulsive overeating is an eating disorder that most aren't aware of. Everyone knows anorexia and bulimia, but compulsive overeating doesn't get the same kind of press. Imagine the binge of a bulimic without the purge and you've got the gist of what goes on with a compulsive over eater.
I can do a pretty good job controlling my compulsive overeating if I keep a very rigid schedule and menu for my diet. Some think I am being too rigid, but what they don't understand is that if I'm NOT this rigid, then I will binge. Telling a compulsive over eater to loosen up a little and allow yourself treats now and again is like telling an alcoholic that one beer every now and again is OK. Its not. If I allow myself one cookie, it quickly turns into 10 cookies. I keep telling myself to stop, yet my hand keeps shoving them in my mouth as quickly as humanly possible... you know, so nobody sees me do it.
I think that this binge has been feeding my soul. Of course, as much as I try to feed it, the food isn't helping. Ive had a lot weighing heavily on my mind and the unknown is just so.... mysterious. Its so... UNKNOWN. Ive been trying very hard to just give it all to God, and I do feel better after I leave church but I know I haven't been able to just give it all to Him. Its just too close to my heart.
[sigh]
In other news, today is my 1 year runniversary. Exactly 1 year ago today, I began my journey toward becoming a runner. Since then I have run: 5 5k's, 1 10k, 2 5 milers and 2 half marathons. I have 3 half marathons, 1 5k and 2 triathlons on the books for this year as well. I think Ive come quite a long way from where I started and I'm mighty damn proud of that.
I wonder where I'll be next year....
Subscribe To
Posts
All Comments
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
December 7, 2011
Current Weight: 153.8
Starting waist: 41 inches
Current waist: 33 inches (-8)
Starting hips: 45 inches
Current hips: 41 inches (-4)
Starting thighs: 27 inches
Current thighs: 22.5 inches (-4.5)
Starting arms: 14 inches
Current arms: 11 inches (-3)
Total inches lost: 19.5 inches!!!!!
I don't have a lot of time to post right now- A&P final in less than 48 hours but I wanted to post updated measurements since I haven't done so in quite some time.
More to come after finals ;)
Starting waist: 41 inches
Current waist: 33 inches (-8)
Starting hips: 45 inches
Current hips: 41 inches (-4)
Starting thighs: 27 inches
Current thighs: 22.5 inches (-4.5)
Starting arms: 14 inches
Current arms: 11 inches (-3)
Total inches lost: 19.5 inches!!!!!
I don't have a lot of time to post right now- A&P final in less than 48 hours but I wanted to post updated measurements since I haven't done so in quite some time.
More to come after finals ;)
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Starting Weight: 205
Current Weight: 155
Total Weight Lost: 50 pounds!
Its amazing how much easier it has been to start losing again once I stopped nursing. I was hoping that was the reason for my never ending plateau, but there was no way of knowing for sure until it was time to wean B. I cant even begin to express how glad I am that the weight has started coming off again. I was TERRIFIED that I would never get to my goal weigh and now Im 2/3 of the way there! 50 pounds down and only 25 more to go! HELL YEAH!
So I thought I would post some pictures of my journey.
25 more pounds to go. Hmmmm, I wonder how long it will take...
25 more pounds to go. Hmmmm, I wonder how long it will take...
Saturday, November 12, 2011
November 12, 2011
Current weight: 159.4!!!!
I'm finally back into the 150's and Im so stinking excited!!!! I have been eating 1200 (or less) calories a day and trying to run at least 3 times a week. Unfortunately it has been difficult to get my running in as often as I'd like, but life has been quite busy lately.
I am registered for the Celtic Solstice race in Baltimore on 12.17. Yup, I'm celebrating my 36th birthday with a frigid 5 miler and Im really looking forward to it. I have some friends coming out to join me on my celebratory run so it should be a blast.
I'm also registered for the Iron Girl triathlon on 8.19.12. A colleague at work and friend from Florida are both "running" that one with me. (running? doing?) That is going to be so exciting! Im also planning on running the Rock N Roll Half in DC on 3.17.12 for L's birthday and doing the Tri-It triathlon in Bear, DE on 6.9.12.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
October 15, 2011
Wow- Was my last post REALLY on August 30th? Now that Im back to school (both work and college) I find that I dont have much time for posting. So... some updates:
My first half marathon was AWESOME!!! Philadelphia is a beautiful city and I am now a firm believer that the best way to see a city is to run it. I was feeling great for most of the run until about mile 11. At that point there was a slight grade to the course and I started feeling it in my legs. I struggled a little bit that last 1-2 miles, but I didnt stop and I didnt walk. My goal was to run the entire thing and
I DID!!! I ran my first half marathon in 2:41. Am I fast? Not by any means! But I did it damn it and that is all that matters! It wasnt pretty once I crossed the finish line though. It was as if my leg muscles seized up. It was horrible and wonderful all at the same time.
Two weeks later, I ran my second half- the Diva Half in Long Island. My Friend Kristy told me that I needed MORE GU!!! Yes, more Gu along the course and I should be ok... no more of that nasty muscle seizing thing I went through in Philly. Now, if you're not familiar with Gu, its some nasty stuff. Not solid, not liquid, but rather some disgusting in between consistency. She advised me to Gu it up every 3-4 miles. SO- 1 Gu before, 1 Gu at mile 4, then another at miles 7 and 10. Well, wouldnt ya know it? It worked! I finished strong and felt frickin' AMAZING when I finished!!!! (3 minutes faster than 2 weeks prior at 2:38) I could have seriously kept on running (hence my decision that I may actuallly pursue 26.2).
So, what's next? 5 miles on Saturday October 22nd, 5 more on 11/6 (maybe) and then another 5 on my birthday. I think running is the best way to start out my 37th year and Im hoping to have a bunch of folks there with me, helping me celebrate. After that, I dont have any definite plans beside training for a triathlon in the spring. (Yes, I said T-R-I-A-T-H-L-O-N)
Now- onto other things.
My weight loss journey (where this whole blog STARTED) has come to a screeching halt and Ive decided that it is time to do something about it. I am going to be on a strict 1200 calorie diet and Im going to be blogging about it weekly again. Its time to get rid of this last 30ish lbs!
So, stay tuned folks and please send me all of your weight loss and motivation mojo!
My first half marathon was AWESOME!!! Philadelphia is a beautiful city and I am now a firm believer that the best way to see a city is to run it. I was feeling great for most of the run until about mile 11. At that point there was a slight grade to the course and I started feeling it in my legs. I struggled a little bit that last 1-2 miles, but I didnt stop and I didnt walk. My goal was to run the entire thing and
I DID!!! I ran my first half marathon in 2:41. Am I fast? Not by any means! But I did it damn it and that is all that matters! It wasnt pretty once I crossed the finish line though. It was as if my leg muscles seized up. It was horrible and wonderful all at the same time.
Two weeks later, I ran my second half- the Diva Half in Long Island. My Friend Kristy told me that I needed MORE GU!!! Yes, more Gu along the course and I should be ok... no more of that nasty muscle seizing thing I went through in Philly. Now, if you're not familiar with Gu, its some nasty stuff. Not solid, not liquid, but rather some disgusting in between consistency. She advised me to Gu it up every 3-4 miles. SO- 1 Gu before, 1 Gu at mile 4, then another at miles 7 and 10. Well, wouldnt ya know it? It worked! I finished strong and felt frickin' AMAZING when I finished!!!! (3 minutes faster than 2 weeks prior at 2:38) I could have seriously kept on running (hence my decision that I may actuallly pursue 26.2).
So, what's next? 5 miles on Saturday October 22nd, 5 more on 11/6 (maybe) and then another 5 on my birthday. I think running is the best way to start out my 37th year and Im hoping to have a bunch of folks there with me, helping me celebrate. After that, I dont have any definite plans beside training for a triathlon in the spring. (Yes, I said T-R-I-A-T-H-L-O-N)
Now- onto other things.
My weight loss journey (where this whole blog STARTED) has come to a screeching halt and Ive decided that it is time to do something about it. I am going to be on a strict 1200 calorie diet and Im going to be blogging about it weekly again. Its time to get rid of this last 30ish lbs!
So, stay tuned folks and please send me all of your weight loss and motivation mojo!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
August 30, 2011
I just got back from a terrible run. I did a most excellent 10 miles on 8.20.11, then started having some weird calf tenderness and aching in my right knee. I decided that being ready for my half marathon was more important that my 100 days of running and took a few days off. It was so difficult to not get out there everyday and get a least a mile in, but I refrained and my body is much happier with me because of it. Ive also been battling a bit of a cold/sinus infection and Im thinking that played the biggest role in the most horrible 4ish miles Ive ever run. It felt like my first time out there! Its amazing how discouraging ONE bad run can be. I just have to keep reminding myself that I CAN do it. If I can do 10, I sure as HELL can do 13.1!
I had my first appointment with the nutritionist last week and she is having me do a more detailed food journal for 5 days. I have to fax what I have to her tomorrow and I will see her again on Thursday afternoon. Im terrified of what she is going to say. Ive already cried in front of her once, Im really hoping not to do that again. Its so very difficult to talk to someone about something that is so incredibly embarrassing like my food issues are. My break from running is also going to make me look like a liar since Ive already told her that I run every day.
Its funny, when Im running I think of all kinds of things that I want to say when I finally get behind the computer but when I actually sit down to write, I cant remember any of it. I guess that's God's way of telling me to get off of my fat ass and clean this house then get my homework done!
I had my first appointment with the nutritionist last week and she is having me do a more detailed food journal for 5 days. I have to fax what I have to her tomorrow and I will see her again on Thursday afternoon. Im terrified of what she is going to say. Ive already cried in front of her once, Im really hoping not to do that again. Its so very difficult to talk to someone about something that is so incredibly embarrassing like my food issues are. My break from running is also going to make me look like a liar since Ive already told her that I run every day.
Its funny, when Im running I think of all kinds of things that I want to say when I finally get behind the computer but when I actually sit down to write, I cant remember any of it. I guess that's God's way of telling me to get off of my fat ass and clean this house then get my homework done!
Friday, August 19, 2011
August 19, 2011
This post is going to be quite a bummer, prepare yourselves.
Im struggling- bad. You can only plateau for so long before becoming terribly discouraged. Its been 3 months and it seems that no matter WHAT I do, my weight just wont change. The good thing about that is if I have a few bad days, I dont gain a lot (if at all!). The bad thing is that I can bust my ass dieting and running for weeks (months actually) and get NO results. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nyet. NOTHING. Same damn number taunting me on the scale Every. Damn. Day. Seriously, what the F#@k? I still have 35ish pounds to lose and they act like they're taking up permanent residence.
Ive tried:
1. eating more
2. eating less
3. modifying my running schedule
4. counting calories rather than WW points
5. giving up artificial sweeteners
Im about to start eating cinnamon by the spoonful and going nuts with the cayenne in our food.
I now have an appointment with a nutritionist as my next step. I know I eat more processed foods than I should, but I dont eat them in excess (most of the time anyway). I need to get back to the basics I guess. Salad and some sort of protein.
Mostly, Im frustrated. Im busting my ass and not getting results. THEN, when I get discouraged and eat like a freaking maniac I spend the rest of the day wallowing in remorse. Yeah, like right now.
So- Im going to post what I actually ate today as punishment for being such a freaking glutton.
2 scrambled eggs.
6ish garlic knots
4 slices of a NY style 12" pepperoni pizza
an entire order of crazy bread
2 slices of LC pepperoni pizza
a hershey bar with almonds
a coke
a Big Red soda
Everything else was zero calorie beverages. How freaking embarrassing. Im guessing that is approximately 66 points??? Umm, yeah... My daily allowed points right now is 29.
Im going to go change my son's stinky butt and wallow in my misery for a while. Maybe I'll manage to cry or something.
Its also day 49 and I havent run yet. For the first time in these 49 days, Ive actually contemplated just not doing it. THAT is sad. Of course, you know I will... one way or another.
Today's overall feeling? I. Suck. All I want is to have control of my food rather than my food having control of me!
Thank goodness tomorrow's a new day.
Im struggling- bad. You can only plateau for so long before becoming terribly discouraged. Its been 3 months and it seems that no matter WHAT I do, my weight just wont change. The good thing about that is if I have a few bad days, I dont gain a lot (if at all!). The bad thing is that I can bust my ass dieting and running for weeks (months actually) and get NO results. Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nyet. NOTHING. Same damn number taunting me on the scale Every. Damn. Day. Seriously, what the F#@k? I still have 35ish pounds to lose and they act like they're taking up permanent residence.
Ive tried:
1. eating more
2. eating less
3. modifying my running schedule
4. counting calories rather than WW points
5. giving up artificial sweeteners
Im about to start eating cinnamon by the spoonful and going nuts with the cayenne in our food.
I now have an appointment with a nutritionist as my next step. I know I eat more processed foods than I should, but I dont eat them in excess (most of the time anyway). I need to get back to the basics I guess. Salad and some sort of protein.
Mostly, Im frustrated. Im busting my ass and not getting results. THEN, when I get discouraged and eat like a freaking maniac I spend the rest of the day wallowing in remorse. Yeah, like right now.
So- Im going to post what I actually ate today as punishment for being such a freaking glutton.
2 scrambled eggs.
6ish garlic knots
4 slices of a NY style 12" pepperoni pizza
an entire order of crazy bread
2 slices of LC pepperoni pizza
a hershey bar with almonds
a coke
a Big Red soda
Everything else was zero calorie beverages. How freaking embarrassing. Im guessing that is approximately 66 points??? Umm, yeah... My daily allowed points right now is 29.
Im going to go change my son's stinky butt and wallow in my misery for a while. Maybe I'll manage to cry or something.
Its also day 49 and I havent run yet. For the first time in these 49 days, Ive actually contemplated just not doing it. THAT is sad. Of course, you know I will... one way or another.
Today's overall feeling? I. Suck. All I want is to have control of my food rather than my food having control of me!
Thank goodness tomorrow's a new day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)